Ready To Die Review

Ready To Die

The Notorious B.I.G.

1994

Bad Boy Records

Prod. by Sean "Puffy" Combs, Easy Mo Bee, et. al

Tupac Shakur, Nas, Dr. Dre, and the Wu-Tang Clan currently lord over the popular perception of rap at the top of the 90’s. Well, and Sir Mix-A-Lot, too, but my point was meant to be that I perceive only legitimate fans of hip-hop music really leaning hard into The Notorious B.I.G., despite his critical acclaim and renown. Quickly, I shall explain why you probably ought to check out his debut.

At the heart of this album is the production. Puffy and Easy Mo Bee have created a ridiculous number of slick beats, and, somehow, they manage to instill a nice sense of variety in a huge number of low-key stoner jams. They fit with the darker tone of most of Biggie’s lyrics, but it’s the restraint they’re willing to show that’s to be rewarded. A shocking amount of time on the album is dedicated to a drum line and Biggie, and strings and piano lines come in nicely. There’s a few notable soul samples, funk guitars, and hooks, but they rarely take full focus. Still, these beats ride nicely and are a treat to hear.

But what makes this album special is Biggie's delivery and lyricism. His lyrics simply feel natural, a reasonable train of thought that never feels forced. Biggie famously composed verses in his head instead of on the page, and the result is a simplicity that never feels overwritten. His lyrics are simple, easy to hear and listen to, and come across smoothly. The delivery is just enticing, and something most rappers ought to envy.

Between the beats and the delivery, this album largely just rolls. It never gets seriously better or worse than its standard, and that’s certainly not a bad thing. If there are highlights to pick out, they’re the more party-focused tracks “Big Poppa” and “Ready to Die,” and if there are lows, they’re the skits, which don’t reprise as nicely as the rest of the album.

As an intellectual album, it’s one of many representatives of the black hip-hop culture of the early 90’s. As a cultural touchstone, it serves just as well as the work of most of the other East and West Coast rappers of the time period. The album is a lot more sexual than the violent work of Wu-Tang Clan or N.W.A. They’re also largely more depressed as well, as Biggie feels largely worn down by everything about his blackness other than the women he gets to have sex with all the time.

Ready To Die is not going to change your mind about hip-hop or rap. If you think it’s all about drugs and sex, the beats, lyrics, and skits will certainly not change your mind. Two of the four skits are roughly pornographic, with the short skit closing “Respect” really sealing the idea that I wouldn’t want to have this album playing in my car. But for those who see more to rap as music, or you simply don’t mind rap about drugs and sex, Ready to Die is an absolute treat from top to bottom.

5/5

HIGHLIGHTS: “Things Done Changed”, “Ready to Die”, “Juicy”, “Big Poppa”

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: “Intro”, “Fuck Me (Interlude)”

NEXT STOP: Wu-Tang Clan, “Enter The Wu-Tang Clan (36 Chambers)”

AFTER THAT: NWA, “Straight Outta Compton”

21 Review

21
Adele
2011
XL, Columbia
Prod. by Jim Abbiss,  Adele Adkins, Paul Epworth, Rick Rubin, Fraser T Smith, Ryan Tedder, Dan Wilson

The world loves Adele. Winning six Grammys just last week, she’s the toast of the town. But late Tuesday night, her interview with Vogue released in which she stated she’d take up to five years off from music to work on her relationships. I found myself inexcusably ecstatic; if it hadn’t been two or three in the morning when I learned this extremely exciting news, I probably would’ve meowed. The next day, she cut this rumor short.

“I’ve a few days off now, and then it’s the Brit Awards here at home and then I’m straight into the studio,” she writes. “BOYYAHH! 5 years? More like 5 days!”

I found myself hammerstruck. But as I thought about it, I thought “Why? Why was I so excited to see this woman that people really love leave the public eye for years, perhaps never to really be heard from again?” Seeing my repulsive joy at ruining other people’s beloved musical desires, I decided I was finally going to force myself to listen through Adele’s “21”, which I picked up months ago.

And I found out? Well, it’s…okay?

Adele has a talented voice and a nice sense of songwriting, but she desperately needs to learn how to organize an album. Opening with “Rolling in the Deep,” obviously the reason she is famous today and probably one of the best songs of 2011, is a good choice. It’s a blast of energy, and it’s the song she performs better than any other. It’s rather unique, and it doesn’t make me instantly recall some other song at its best moments. And, best of all, it has those awesome back-up vocals, which are completely incomprehensible and all the better for it.

But good times do not last through this first half of the album. While its follow-up is a fun, tongue-in-cheek “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” callback titled “Rumor Has It” (that overstays its welcome just slightly,) the next three songs are the self-serious, somewhat insincere ballads Adele has come to be famous for. They are not good songs, and they are definitely the reason I never made it through 21 before this review. All the fire, the back-up vocals, and the energy of the first two songs vanishes and is replaced with warbling. The worst of these is “Turning Tables”, as it is especially stripped down and focused upon the poor behavior of the male. The others, “Don’t You Remember” and “Set Fire To The Rain”, do not paint Adele in the fairest pastels, and her insecurities appear within them, making them mildly more interesting than their predecessor.

Suddenly, a wonderful drum and slow jazz opening rolls into place as “He Won’t Go” takes the stage, and Adele’s wonderful sense of sass finally comes back into play. “He Won’t Go” is easily one of the highlights, and the back-ups finally back. The R&B elements finally return, and throughout the rest of the album, Adele will dance between R&B, gospel, Elton John, Spanish beats, and Stevie Wonder. None of it is quite as good as the classics it’ll remind you of (or even 21’s contemporaries in Cee Lo Green’s “The Ladykiller” or John Legend & The Roots’ “Wake Up!”) but it’s pleasant enough to listen through.

Sadly, the album closes on the intolerable “Someone Like You.” As I’ve stated previously, “Someone Like You” has gorgeous verses, a brilliant piano arrangement, and great lyrics. I just wish I could understand any of them, as Adele goes into full-on warbler mode during the song’s chorus, and her need for throat surgery is evident and unpleasant. The song would maybe benefit from a different singer, but I have a feeling that chorus will stop most from performing successful renditions of the song. It’s also inexplicable as the album’s ending; the album has clearly left its starting position as a series of self-serious, indulgent damnation ballads to become a lot more fun.

Perhaps a better mix of the not-so-good ballads and the not-quite-great R&B and pop songs throughout the album would save "21." As it stands, though, the album is an oddity, and one for which I don't understand the enthusiasm. While I am only listening to the aforementioned “Wake Up!” in retrospect, Cee Lo Green’s “The Lady Killer” is an excellent album that reflects R&B more wholly, elaborately, with modern production, and with higher quality songwriting all-around. Perhaps it’s the distaste for the 70’s swank that reminds people of old cop shows and blaxploitation films? Maybe it’s the fact that much of it is performed through the somewhat misogynistic parody persona of The Lady Killer? Or is there some distaste for Cee Lo’s voice that I don’t understand?

My estimation? People wanted to wait until a white person tried it before they’d buy it, and the fact that her story is sad and she required throat surgery helped her case. The album is fine, but unless this is very much your genre, stick to the highlights.

3/5

HIGHLIGHTS: “Rolling in the Deep”, “He Won’t Go”, “I’ll Be Waiting”

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: “Turning Tables”, “Don’t You Remember”, “Set Fire To The Rain”, “Someone Like You”

NEXT STOP: "The Lady Killer," Cee Lo Green

AFTER THAT: "Otis Blue," Otis Redding

Superpunk Review

SUPERPUNK
Landscapers
2012
Mindtech Recordings

Electronica, trance, techno, drum and bass, dubstep, brostep, WHAT EVER, man. The people who categorize dubstep have almost become as over-technical as the people who categorize metal and punk, and I will not be a part of it. Basically, if the music is mostly produced with synthesized instruments, I will be calling it "electronica." Also, "trance" will mean a style of song, not a type of music.

With that out of the way, Landscapers' recent EP, Superpunk, is easily some of the most aggressive, bass-heavy electronica I've heard in some time. Each song finds itself winding deeply into completely madcap wobble-bass and non-dance rhythms, with pounding beats that'll make your subwoofer sob. If nothing else, Superpunk will find its way into my "bass-testing" playlist, reserved for trying out new speaker systems and headphones.

Of course, if Superpunk were just fat bass and nothing more, I wouldn't be writing about it. The EP manages to stuff rather distinct styles into its four tracks. "Arachnoise", the opening track (and the one that led me to investigate Landscapers in the first place) works off of an epic-scale orchestra, the sort you might hear in a goofy fantasy movie or a church in a Castlevania game, as well as a synth-line reminiscent of the early chiptunes. "Arachnoise" is not to be missed, even if it does not sell you on the rest of the album.

The other three songs are also pretty awesome, though. "So Magical" combines Landscapers' aggression with synthesized Vocaloid voice clips and a more traditional Euro-pop lead vocal hook, and attains a rather different tone from "Arachnoise." Your mileage may vary on the style it's playing with, but I have a lot of fun with the track. The eponymous "Superpunk" is perhaps the least exciting track on the album, as it combines hip-hop sensibilities with pretty traditional bass-heavy electronica sensibilities. It's less energetic than all the other songs, and while it's fine, it's also the least energetic track of the bunch. "Superpunk" also feels safer and less experimental than the rest. "Battle Axe" returns to the EP's video-game roots, but the focus here is more on the kind of power metal that Castlevania is more infamous for, and it's a return to the super-fun energy the rest of the EP carries.

It's hard to knock an EP with three good songs (especially when two of those are great), especially when "Superpunk" is not bad at all. I doubt the Superpunk EP will remain Landscapers' most interesting work, but for now, it serves as an exciting introduction to a group that only have a few EPs out. Give it a shot.

4/5

HIGHLIGHTS: "Arachnoise", "Battle Axe"

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: "Superpunk"

NEXT STOP: "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites", Skrillex

AFTER THAT: "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night", Michiru Yamane

Lasers Review

Lupe Fiasco
Lasers
2011
Atlantic, 1st and 15th
Prod. by Lupe Fiasco, Charles "Chilly" Patton, Darrale Jones, et al

I've had little experience with Lupe Fiasco. He's appeared on a few great tracks by some other excellent rappers, including his excellent verse on Kanye West's "Touch The Sky," but I've otherwise rarely been exposed to this rapper who ostensibly broke out years ago. Lupe's big hit early last year, "The Show Goes On", was my first exposure to a solo track of his, and I was not a fan. Not only did it sample "Float On," one of few songs I literally never want to hear again, it sampled it poorly, and the rap upon it was simply short of impressive.

Of course, discovering now that "The Show Goes On" is the specific song Lupe was forced to place on Lasers by producers is not shocking in the least, and the idea that he was specifically told to simplify his lyrics upon it explains quite a bit about the song. The rest of the album is more focused upon messages and morality than having a good time, and while a few other party tracks certainly pop up here and there, this is not a barbecue record the way one might imagine.

However, Lupe's sermon is not easily received. His lyrics often wander more than one might appreciate, and often I found myself wondering if the chap had said anything significant on a given song. It certainly does not help that his flow is focused upon tightness rather than expressiveness, as it's extremely hard to feel passionate about most of what's on the album. It's certainly an approach to go for keeping an extremely tight rap set where little can be criticized as explicitly poor, but it feels like most of these raps fail to take any risks. When his lyrics are more explicit and the raps become more "intellectual," they're often overwritten and too unsubtle, with "Words I Never Said" being the official track that goes too far. There are a few great lines ("The truth stings like Muhammad Ali") but most of the raps are forgettable to lightly abrasive.

Of course, the fact that most of the raps are forgettable turns out to be in service of the music, which is consistently good. There are a few really great beats on this album, and the rest are all pretty darn good. Those beats that emphasize real instruments over synth lines are definitely the highlights, but the synth lines are strong throughout as well. Lupe's tone is attractive for most of these songs even if it makes it hard to focus on what he's saying, and it makes the album a lot more fun than it might be otherwise. Meanwhile, the focus is largely upon featured artists over samples, with a trio of strong guest appearances by Auto-Tune MC MDMA. However, the hook on "Words I Never Said" proves that Skylar Grey's singing is officially rap poison after the borderline-oppressive "I Need A Doctor" and "Coming Home". I appreciate that she has fans in her pop-folk solo work, but can she keep her vocals out of hip-hop...forever?

The music on this album easily saves what otherwise might be a dull album. While the best songs tend to go in one ear and out the other, they are really fun, and a low-impact album like this one serves an important purpose. The beats are pretty consistently great, and while there might be a couple missteps, they're only boring rather than offensive.

However, "The Show Goes On?" Still one of my least favorites.

3/5

HIGHLIGHTS: "Till I Get There", "I Don't Wanna Care Right Now" (ft. MDMA)

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: "Words I Never Said", "The Show Goes On", "All Black Everything"

NEXT STOP: "The Adventures of Bobby Ray", B.o.B.

AFTER THAT: "Late Registration", Kanye West

Resolution Review

RESOLUTION
Lamb of God
2012
Epic, Roadrunner
Prod. by Josh Wilbur

Sometimes, it takes a reminder to realize that purely competent can sometimes feel pretty darn good. Lamb of God's most recent release is pretty much everything you could ask for from a metal album these days, and even if nothing is done spectacularly, it's all done well enough that it'll sell you on the whole ordeal quickly. The album is a high-octane release of strong guitar work, and the band behind them is tight enough that the experience is something of an aggressive treat.

That said, this album is almost entirely appealing to a niche. While an effort has been made to offer a couple moments with melodic vocals, it's largely a screaming affair one would associate with death metal, and the experience is an extremely technical and dour affair with a few moments of light material mixed in. While I usually am not a fan of screaming, this seemed neither especially good or especially grating, and I was able to ignore it within a few songs on the album. Those who are completely turned off by the direction metal has been on since about 1982 should almost definitely steer clear; however, even those who aren't major fans of the genre should find a song or two they'll enjoy.

The largest praise I can generate for the album is that it contains almost exclusively excellent guitar work. While little of it is actually memorable, every song is well performed, and it varies between more standard thrash metal fare, some intelligent, restrained solos, and some excellent acoustic material. The rhythm section performs admirably, too, though they are not the focus of the songs written here.

The songs themselves are certainly the weakest aspect of the album. They're all totally fine, but they're written to be technical showpieces and aggressive tracks rather than songs. Almost every song here will be excellent as part of a concert, but I could not name one I would ever choose to seek out before my personal favorite metal songs, which are all generally considered "classics" rather than more modern material. While I do describe these as technical showcases, however, I need to point out that they are definitely not progressive metal tracks; the technical ability here is a band-focused unity as opposed to the talent show contest experience one finds listening to a more traditional progressive rock band like Rush. As a result, I found something to enjoy with this album in its current mix, which allows for a great hit of bass drum on all of its tracks.

While I'm certainly no expert of the genre, I have always found myself intrigued, and Resolution has intrigued me to the point where I intend to seek out more Lamb of God material. For those unaccustomed to metal that don't actively hate screamed vocals, I suggest checking it out.

3/5

HIGHLIGHTS: "Straight For The Sun," "Desolation," "Barbarossa," "King Me"

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: "Guilty," "Cheated"

NEXT STOP: Kill ‘Em All, Metallica

AFTER THAT: Paranoid, Black Sabbath

Talk That Talk Review

TALK THAT TALK

Rihanna

2011

Def Jam, Roc Nation, SRP
Prod. by Rihanna, Carl Sturken, and Evan Rogers et. al

Rihanna's most recent effort reminds me why she's allowed to be on every song on the radio. If you aren't completely sick of hearing her voice, you really ought to check out Talk That Talk.

Reviewing Talk That Talk as a traditional album would be unfair. It's really a collection of singles that Rihanna will debut over the next year (or, if she takes cues from Katy Perry, over the next two years.) There's thematic consistency in that the songs are a collection of pop songs that express where Rihanna is emotionally right now. Namely, she's divided between being heartbroken about a failing romance and wanting to have sex with somebody. There's different subtexts and undertones that lead to a lot of the "wanting to have sex" songs possibly being about music, the industry, or drugs, but there's no inherent consistency between the artistic output on this album.

The reason Talk That Talk is cool is that, even more so than Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", I would be totally fine hearing just about every single one of these songs an absurd number of times on the radio. Rated R and Loud had a number of tracks I found were eventually overplayed; I can't imagine feeling that way about any of the songs off of Talk That Talk. While the lion's share of the best tracks are in the first half of the album, there are still plenty of highlights in the second half to speak of.

So, a quick song-by-song to explain the way this album flows. "You Da One" is a nice dance track with elements of Caribbean music blended in. It's a decent song to enter the album on, but it's certainly not been the track I've been clamoring to hear. The follow-up, "Where Have You Been," is a dubstep-laced treat that opens with a Johnny Cash quote; Rihanna's vocals on the track all feel like the best bits of another song cut up for a remix, and she allows even those lines to be cut up for some excellent bass-heavy sections. "We Found Love" (ft. Calvin Harris as a...producer? If he has vocals on the song, I haven't heard him) is the lead single from the album, and exposes the seedier, more addictive aspects of loves that should not be while still maintaining a very upbeat and pretty sensibility. The synth wind-up that occurs before each drop is pretty awesome. "Talk That Talk" is a track that has a strong Jay-Z verse on it, but is otherwise very much a pretty standard track.

I'd continue to go song-by-song for the rest of the album, but I think this pretty well explains the sense of the album. Another notable track is "Cockiness (Love It)", which, on first blush, is just a chance to lace ridiculous innuendo throughout a dance track. However, a lot of the production decisions on "Cockiness" are pretty fantastic, reminiscent of work by folks like Major Lazer. The follow-up to that, "Birthday Cake" is also notable because it's terrible. To enjoy "Birthday Cake", you better already think "Dance (Ass)" by Big Sean is hilariously bad, as "Birthday Cake" is unquestionably a parody that is not quite as funny as the original song.

It's also worth noting that there are a few songs that definitely don't sound like dance pop tracks. Occasionally, she delves into the "If I Were A Boy" territory lain out for the pop charts by Beyoncé, and Rihanna performs admirably. It's a reminder that this girl is a strong singer at both ends of her register, though the production on the song "Drunk On Love" veers towards traditional Linkin Park and Evanescence arrangements, which is mildly disappointing.

However, this album does close strong; "Farewell" is an absolute highlight, with intelligent vocal sensibilities and some interesting production notes. Rihanna also shines on the track, making full use of the new Beyoncé-stylings to create a full-blast goodbye sorrow track. The production is just large enough to support it, and Rihanna never overextends her voice to reach the plateaus she sets out for herself.

Again, if most of these songs are on the radio next year, I'll probably be seeking them out over whatever Ke$ha and everyone else put out. The only issue with this album is that most of the best songs from this album will undoubtedly be on the radio and in grocery stores everywhere. You will probably hear all the songs on the album even if you don't know it, and you may find that you're overexposed to one or two of them. If that's enough for you, skip the album and wait till everything's on the radio. But if you want an early peek, or if you enjoy Rihanna enough to hear a collection of strong songs beyond the traditional radio format, you'd be doing yourself a disservice to not pick up Talk That Talk.

4/5

HIGHLIGHTS: "Where Have You Been", "We Found Love", "Farewell"

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES: "Birthday Cake", "Watch N' Learn"

NEXT STOP: Major Lazer, "Guns Don't Kill People...Lazers Do"

AFTER THAT: Drake, "Take Care"

The Hit Songs of 2011: A Retrospective

It's important for you to know I like pop music. Well, recently, I like pop music. The genre opened itself up to me in 2009, when I'd found myself disenchanted with modern rock, mostly because it was almost all supremely disappointing. I'd almost completely run my course with classic rock, too; I had to buy Zeppelin and Hendrix albums, sure, and there was still The Velvet Underground to check out, but I'd hit almost everything I cared about already.

Pop music offered something new in 2009; this is when Lady GaGa starts bringing dark themes into pop music, Beyoncé turns synth lines into shrill dance beats, and the Black Eyed Peas create the party smash "I Gotta Feeling" that has been copied time and time again ever since. 2009 offered some great pop music, and anyone at all interested in pop music was interested in seeing where these performers were headed.

Unfortunately, that changed in 2010 and 2011. Most of the best artists of 2009 turned in follow-ups that were disappointing. "Born This Way" was a smash, but effectively proved to anyone who disliked Lady GaGa that she was a one-trick pony. "The Beginning" CRUSHED The Black Eyed Peas, who had such an awful 2011 that they ended up taking some time apart towards the end of the year; the Peas are currently on hiatus. And I don't think I've heard more than a few songs from Beyoncé's latest album, but none of them took off like "Single Ladies" or "If I Were A Boy" had. Instead, the year 2011 was about new artists taking the reins, and most people seem to agree that they are less interesting than their predecessors. Still, there was plenty to notice in 2011, so I give you my Top Hits of 2011 list.

Now, any song on this list must actually have become a hit in 2011, and is based upon the year-end Billboard Top 100 chart. Also, I really need to have actually heard them; I didn't seek out the several Chris Brown songs on the list because I was permitted to avoid them. There will be some categories that include songs that didn't make the cut, but their descriptions will, at best, be brief.

The Top 5 Hit Songs of 2011:

1.“You And I” – Lady GaGa

Lady GaGa's "Born This Way" was ultimately a disappointing album; most of its songs were synth-pop rehashes of old material, whether said material was rehashed from Lady GaGa or Madonna scraps. Leave it to GaGa to suddenly change direction on the second-to-last song from the album, turning out a country-rock song with a beautiful chorus, intelligent lyrics, and a fun guitar solo from Brian May. I'd heard this song incomplete at a concert of hers in February, without the guitars or back-up vocals. I found it pleasant, but ultimately out-of-character. When I heard it again on the album, I instantly recognized it, and wanted to celebrate having heard the stripped-down version; the full-production run blew me away, with excellent callbacks to back-up vocals in the style of Boston, an excellent coda, and, overall, a supremely intelligent arrangement. I loved hearing this song, and none of the other hits in 2011 made me as elated as this track.

2.“We Found Love” – Rihanna

Rihanna was far overexposed this year, but leave it to her to outdo herself on her last hit of the year. "We Found Love" is a smart song, earnestly displaying the guilty adrenaline that comes from a romance that will never, ever work. The synth-crescendo that comes after the vocal hook is the most intelligent bit of production I've ever heard on a Rihanna track. In the end, "We Found Love" might actually top "Rude Boy" in my Rihanna library.

3.“All Of The Lights” – Kanye West

Okay, so somebody here's gonna try to call me out for giving something to Kanye West, and somebody else is gonna try to call me out for putting this song this low on the list. I love the dude's work. I really do. But "All Of The Lights" is easily my least favorite single from his album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy", and it's still pretty  awesome. Every other single from the album he's released (except for "Lost in the World", I guess) works on its own; "All Of The Lights" is a somewhat bewildering take on black custody conflicts outside of the album's context. Its huge cast of vocalists can be excessive, and it's often confusing why he wrote vocal hooks for Fergie, Kid Cudi, and Rihanna when he had Tony Williams, Elton John, and Alicia Keys in the background. Even still, this song is the bass-banger of the year, and you haven't really heard this song until it's threatening to blow up your car. It's a smart song, but I recommend you hear it in the context of the original work rather than isolated on its own.

4.“Party Rock Anthem” – LMFAO

Okay, so this song is really stupid. I really wanted to hate it. Its lyrics? Kind of terrible. And any part of it that is sung is pretty unremarkable. But "Party Rock Anthem" is delivered with such enthusiasm that I can't actually bring myself to do anything but love it. Its bassline and its super-shrill synth hook are actually pretty awesome, too. It's just pure fun. But LMFAO? You managed to dodge several bullets on the rest of these lists, so don't think I love anything else you guys have put out.

5.“Blow” – Ke$ha

I actually didn't like this song when I first heard it. I found it annoying, loud, and too similar to everything else that was on the radio. Then, suddenly, the wave of acoustic pop entered, and Ke$ha's "Blow" became a breath of fresh air. I think it's the song's sense of menace and, ultimately, not giving a fuck whether you like it or not, that sells me on the track. In the end, I really enjoyed the blast of energy this song put forth. Hopefully Ke$ha's next effort isn't watered down (like Lady GaGa's.)

And that's my list of my top 5 favorite songs! You didn't think it would end there, did you? No, I would never make a post about pop music that was exclusively positive; I need something to eviscerate, and so I'm going to take that opportunity now. Here are the five worst hit songs of 2011.

The Top 5 Worst Hit Songs of 2011:

1. “Lighters” – Bad Meets Evil ft. Bruno Mars

What happened to you, Eminem? Something tells me that mentor stuff finally got to your head and you decided to be a good influence. Why, then, would you ever think it was a good idea to return to Bad Meets Evil and put out a "king of the rap game" record? You're not Bad or Evil in this game, you're just weak. I think the Bruno Mars hook should've been enough to tip off anyone that this song wasn't actually going to be at all fascinating. The internal logic of the song simply doesn't make sense, though; let's look at the four sections.

-1: Bruno Mars Chorus Hook: This hook is about living out your dreams of being famous. Okay, it fits the song title. I can hang with that, that's fine. There's a bit of implication in the way it's being sung that seeing the sky full of lighters is a new experience, but Bruno Mars isn't always a perfect lyricist. It's also done with love and brotherly affection, I guess, though it's still sung in the same "Bruno Mars wants to have sex with you" voice that he uses on the hooks for "Nothin' On You" and "Just The Way You Are", as opposed to his angry/whiny voice from "Grenade", his cheerful voice from "Marry You," or his laid back style from "The Lazy Song" or "Billionaire." A strange choice, but that's okay.

-2: Eminem Verse: Eminem is rapping about how he will always be "the illest in the game" and how the haters "gave [him] the strength" to keep rapping. Oh... okay? The internal logic doesn't make sense, because if he was really the rap king, why would he have so many haters? Eminem is super-pissed off on this verse, which is indicative of pretty much his entire new style, whether he's trying to be angry, funny, inspirational or sad. I say this in contrast to songs like "My Name Is" and "Without Me", which were fun, goofy, profane romps through his psyche. I think the biggest problem with this verse is that it really doesn't prove him the king at all; Jay-Z and Kanye put out "Otis" and "Niggas in Paris" to prove their lyrical dominance on Watch The Throne. "Lighters" sounds self-entitled, and doesn't have any great lines to boast. Also, there's a section where, if one were not paying attention, you might think he started angrily rapping "Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear."

-3: Royce da 5'9" Verse: ...I honestly really can't tell you what it's about. I think it's about how he had a hard time getting famous, but I'm not sure. It definitely has lines about his father telling him not to impulse buy when he finally has money, lines about how inspired he is by Eminem, and lines about how much easier it is to get women now that he's famous. It's disjointed, the jokes don't make a lot of sense, and the flow is, while more fitting than Eminem's, pretty standard and boring.

-4: Bruno Bridge: Full-on whiner voice here, this part is about how hard it is not being king and how it's worth it to keep fighting. The last line, though, implies that they're still fighting off critical perception, something that Eminem has already shaken off (or not, I'm not really sure.) It sounds awful, and that's the biggest problem.

Finally, I want to note that someone decided to let Bad Meets Evil rap over the backbeat to "Nothin' On You", which is musically almost identical and the rap fits WAAAAY better. The only track this year that has zero good ideas. A supreme disappointment.

2. “Someone Like You” – Adele

I'm not going to make any friends for having this on my list, am I? This song was originally going to take the #1 spot, but I decided to listen to it and to "Lighters" again, only to be shocked that I'd completely blocked every verse from the song out of my head. My problems with this song stem from the chorus, in which the damage to Adele's voice has already been dealt. Adele sought out throat surgery later this year because she damaged her voice belting all the time. This is sad, and I feel for the girl. That said, "Someone Like You" sounds like it was painful to sing due to serious throat nodules, and I can't understand why anybody would want to listen to that. The verses are actually very pretty, though, and it's sad to think that Adele might actually wreck her voice like Roger Daltrey and Neil Diamond have trying to hit high notes that are actually out of her range. I don't think this song would sound good sung by anyone, though, because that chorus has got to go.

3. “I Need A Doctor” – Dr. Dre ft. Eminem and Skylar Grey

I actually have separate problems between "I Need A Doctor" and "Lighters." Both are ostensibly collaborations between Eminem and other artists with a melodramatic, cloying hook. However, where "Lighters" is disjointed and has no internal logic, I get where "I Need A Doctor" comes from. This song exists to show the world how dramatically tragic it would be if Dr. Dre never contributed to the world again. The problem with this song, of course, is that it kind of proves that Dr. Dre has become just as melodramatic as Eminem, and that neither really need to exist anymore. These guys were at their best when they were having lots of fun or being very matter-of-fact. This song desperately attempts to reclaim the title of "Most Melodramatic Eminem Song" from "Love The Way You Lie", which already took the title from "Stan." The problem is that it succeeds and kind of sucks for it. Skylar Grey should not be allowed to perform vocal hooks for rap songs. This track is just too emo and pissed-off to make for an enjoyable listen. Basically, this song is functional, but it's just kind of bad. I'm happy to hear Detox has removed this track, as it signifies a different direction.

4. “The Lazy Song” – Bruno Mars

This song started out as kind of enjoyable. Now, I think it's impossible to find a fan of The Lazy Song, mostly because of overexposure. That said, a song about not wanting to do anything better be gorgeous and soulful like "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay" or super-depressing like "I'm So Tired." This cheery and cheeky take on being lazy is just kind of annoying. I bet kids love it, though.

5. “The Edge Of Glory” – Lady GaGa

So, Lady GaGa, you get placed on both of my lists. I can't say I'm surprised. "The

Edge Of Glory" is easily the most commercial song of the year. It sounds like something that was made for Best Buy ads. It's hard to even criticize this song as anything other than "not really a song." It's so manufactured that it's unpleasant to listen to. If you need a parallel, imagine if "Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae featured no real instruments and had an inexplicable Kenny G sax solo. That is Kenny G on that solo, right? [fact check] Nope, Clarence Clemons, which also makes sense. It's awful, and that's really what matters. The song's production is almost like a terrible mash-up, randomly switching between auto-tuned choral vocals at the intro to traditional GaGa synthwaves, orchestral back-ups, and pounding bass a lá "Born This Way." This song is either incomplete or just never had a soul to begin with, and I despise it. Unfortunately, this song directly follows "Yoü & I" on the album, so I don't recommend the new Lady GaGa album.

And those are my five worst hit songs of 2011! Now, let's take a look at some chart hits that were not allowed onto these lists for one reason or another.

Wish You Were Here: 5 Singles that didn't make the Top 100 that would've found a home on my Top 5 list.

“The One That Got Away” – Katy Perry: After the debacle that was "Last Friday Night", Katy Perry manages to put out what I hope is the last single from "Teenage Dream." That said, this is easily the best one since "Teenage Dream," and is just plain pleasant.

“Make Some Noise” – Beastie Boys: It's no shocker, really, that it didn't make it, but this song is just so much FUN.

“Otis” – Kanye West & Jay-Z: Man, I miss Kanye West having fun on the radio! The lyrics to this are brilliant, and it would've put some of the other guys on the radio in their place. Not necessarily my favorite song from Watch The Throne, but the one I'd like to hear on the radio the most.

 “Lonely Boy” – The Black Keys: Probably my favorite rock song of the year. The Black Keys need to break on through.

“Yonkers” – Tyler The Creator: I also miss Kanye West and Eminem saying some dark stuff on the radio. "Without Me", "The Real Slim Shady", "Gold Digger"...all stupid fun songs that were on the radio despite "dirty lyrics." And yes, the big reason I chose "Yonkers" above every other dark rap single of the year is because of the "stab Bruno Mars in his goddamn esophagus" line.

Happy To Have You Here Still: Songs that I'm glad are still on the charts in 2011, but technically entered in 2010.

“Animal”– Neon Trees

“More”- Usher

“Black & Yellow” – Wiz Khalifa

“What’s My Name” – Rihanna ft. Drake

“Fuck You” – Cee Lo Green

Dodged A Fuckin’ Bullet: Songs that I hate that are still on the charts in 2011, but technically entered in 2010.

“Jar of Hearts” – Christina Perri

“Coming Home” – Diddy – Dirty Money ft. Skylar Grey

“Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You)” – Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris

“Grenade” – Bruno Mars

“If I Die Young” – The Band Perry

And now, I present to you a summary of the year in general, beyond the best and the worst. These are the best and worst trends of 2011 pop music, in no particular order.

Best Trends:

-Rappers On The Radio

This year, we saw a bunch of rappers getting radio time, and it was actually really awesome. Cool guys are getting remixed into other people's tracks, Lil Wayne, Drake, Kanye West, and B.o.B. found their way into the Top 100, and, even as disappointed as I am in Eminem's efforts, they still found a way to make it into the Top 100. Even Pitbull, who is kind of a garbage-y rapper, found his way into the Top 100 multiple times. It led to a sense of variety on the pop radio stations, something desperately lacking in 2009 and 2010 when pop singers and R&B stars pretty exclusively ruled the charts. Well, and the Black Eyed Peas, but they were not a positive for hip-hop.

-Good Songs Getting Theirs, One Year Later

Even if Cee Lo Green and Animal didn't see great success in 2010, they found their way into the 2011 charts and ranked pretty highly. I support this trend because I don't suddenly get sick of every song after six months. That said, it's definitely a trend on notice; if I hear Grenade in a couple months, I might get really upset.

-Less Dance Pop

The dance overdrive of 2009 and 2010 is over. Now, we're getting hit country-rock songs out of Lady GaGa, funk-reggae guitar jams out of...well, everyone, and acoustic guitar and piano songs out of Adele, Bruno Mars, and Lil Wayne. Drake has Top 100 hits this year with his ballad-focused style. We're seeing a shift, and while the growing pains might be notable (damn you, Bruno Mars,) I think we'll see some real talent grow out of this trend soon.

-Rejection of Complete Garbage

"Judas" did not make the Top 100 list because it is unadulterated junk. If The Black Eyed Peas put out more than one single this year, nobody heard it because it was probably complete trash. People are becoming a bit more discerning in their pop music, and outside of "Lighters", I can at least find the logic or at least one good idea behind every song that became big this year. Also, we ran some real junk off the charts real quick, so congrats to that, America.

-More Intelligently-Written Music

People are learning why Lady GaGa made such a splash with "Just Dance," and why she grew so exponentially with "Bad Romance." It's better to write a slightly-dark introspective track with some intelligence to it than to simply put out a fun party jam with no thought whatsoever. A larger audience wants to be emotionally or intellectually challenged right now, and so it's becoming more sensible to release songs that aren't marketed on "the person performing it is so pretty." While most of the best songs written this way stayed on the albums that created them, the biggest failures of the year either fail because they swung for the fences and missed or because they were literally only created to make lots and lots of money. This continues from 2010, with "Need You Now" and "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" being intelligent tracks that went on to do gangbusters.

Worst Trends:

-More Acoustic Pop

Okay, so I know I said that less dance pop is a good thing and that acoustic pop is a necessary growing pain, but if it becomes the dominant form of pop music, expect me to tune right out of pop music. Too much credence is given towards something being  "pretty" in acoustic pop, and the lyrics are given far too much credit. The problem with acoustic pop is that people will tell you it's brilliant when it's actually kind of dumb; take "Jar of Hearts" for a prime example. While we'll get some gems out of the movement if it becomes the focus of pop music, we'll also get a lot of stinkers, and the style will be more repetitive and simple than even the most reductive arguments against synth pop. Hopefully, it remains a growing pain and we find something brand-new soon.

-Bruno Mars Still Has A Career

I can't stand this guy's voice or his work anymore. After "Nothin' On You", "Billionaire," and "Just The Way You Are", this guy's talent nosedived, and the rest of his work approaches nigh-unlistenable. The best use of this dude since then has been on "Young, Wild, and Free," where he sings along with Wiz Khalifa and Snoop, removing the traditional whine effect of his voice. I don't want to hear him anymore. Please go away, Bruno Mars, for my sake.

-The End of Bad-Ass Rap Radio

Again, this is something I've touched upon earlier, but their have been some really dope rap tracks that were at least kind of rebellious. Radio rap, however, has gone the way rock did after Nickelback appeared. The energy is gone because the rappers are being gentrified. It's disappointing, and no pop rap performance this year comes close to the stuff you'll hear on people's albums right now. Hopefully, Outkast's new album in 2012 will remind people how to do it right.

-Artists Bigger Than Jesus

Ultimately, anything I write here kind of doesn't matter, right? Those of you who love Lady GaGa and Adele will decry me, and those of you who are part of the Rihanna fan legion will pretty much ignore anything I say because you think I'm right because you think I agree with you that she's the best think to happen to pop radio since sliced bread. Katy Perry has managed to release seven #1 singles off Teenage Dream, and I can promise you that it's not because each and every one of those songs was "so good it needed to be #1." Right now, there are artists who can release literally anything they want and it will be praised by their fans because they are hopelessly devoted. Even rock music fandom allows for a larger sense of betrayal than what we're seeing in pop music right now. It's kind of terrifying. I'd complain that it doesn't let new artists onto the charts, but that's not true. It's just annoying to hear Rihanna on literally every track on the radio.

-Worse Performances

The songs on the radio have gotten better, but where are our performers? When the best four singers we have this year are Adele (who can't actually hit her high notes without destroying her voice,) Lady GaGa (who rarely challenges herself on her songs despite having an incredible range,) Bruno Mars (ugggggh,) and Beyoncé (who couldn't write a good song this year to save her life,) we have a problem. This isn't really a new problem, but we seriously need a new wave of strong performers. The fact that there hasn't been a straight pop singer as strong as Annie Lennox since her days of glory really ought to tell you something. There are always the ballad queens, of course; Celine Dion, Barbra Streissand and Whitney Houston were arguably stronger performers than Annie Lennox. Last year, we saw Usher come back to the forefront and put out some great songs. R. Kelly, too, has discussed putting out more chapters of "Trapped in the Closet." Hopefully, there'll be some impressive notes this year to capitalize on the vocal power absence of 2011.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE

That's gonna do it for my Hit Songs of 2011 list. I'll have a review of Rihanna's "Talk That Talk" later this week, but after that, I'll start keeping my eyes out for new stuff to write about in 2012. Thanks for reading, and I hope you all go and listen to some of the best stuff on this list.